Outsiderness

Imagine you are suddenly in a meeting of 20 people. You are attending for the first time, and many of the other attendees know each other. You walk into the room already with the newcomer jitters, and everyone is laughing and talking in small groups. No one seems to notice you are there. How does that feel?

Outsiderness.

Outsiderness is the sickening swirl of butterflies in your stomach. It’s the bouncy shot of adrenaline to your legs. It’s the mental silent shout of, “Oh no! Not this again.”

Outsiderness is the phenomenon every new member experiences. Each member and every attendee is an Outsider before becoming an Insider. Outsiderness might last 5 minutes, a week, or a few months, but if it persists, the opportunity for engagement wanes.

Outsiders don’t feel safe, are on high alert, are often nervous, and are debating whether to run away. Outsiders know there are Insiders, and they are acutely aware they are not one.

During a virtual workshop sponsored by GrowthZone, I asked staff of member organizations, “Why do you suspect members are not participating as much as you’d like them to be?” 182 answered, and 55% named emotions that contribute to the feeling of Outsiderness.

It’s a lack of confidence: “Intimidated by the thought of having a “bad idea,” or are “new to the business world (profession, industry, or member organization) so lack confidence.” Scared, afraid, lack of trust, uncertain, overwhelmed, and feel “their input doesn’t matter.”

There’s also social anxiety: “socially awkward, and afraid of interaction”, or “introverted and shy,” and “people are used to being online and less comfortable speaking up in person.” Intimidated, awkward, shy, nervous, and uncomfortable.

And a lack of connection: “Feeling like an outsider,” and “feel like they don’t belong,” or “they don’t always join at the right on ramp.” Maybe this feeling of disconnection comes from perceiving cliques, not being welcomed, addressed, or seen, the difficulty of travel, or having to jump through too many hoops to participate.

And finally—unfamiliarity: “Unsure of what it is about” or “they don’t know anyone yet, and they feel awkward or uncomfortable,” and “they don’t know what to expect” because it is a “new environment.” Cautious, concerned, unsure, and unaware.

Fortunately, we can do something about Outsiderness, and it doesn’t even take that long, just a little forethought.

Warm welcomes

Warm welcomes instantly break down barriers. It creates equality, sets the tone, and breaks the ice. A genuine smile works, and if you have more time or more volunteers, think about a Chief Welcomer or even a team of welcoming ambassadors. Imagine your welcomers giving tours of the space, providing a quick overview of what to expect, and introducing people the newcomer should meet.

Magical questions

Watching the committee lead run the meeting or a speaker speak is very passive. It allows people to cement themselves in the unpaticipatory stance. So start meetings and events with an activity or magical question. A magical question is a question that everyone in your group wants to answer, and everyone wants to hear everyone else's answer, a concept from Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering.

Small groups

Make participation easy by setting aside time for attendees to have neighbor talk time. When I run keynotes and workshops, I often say, “Answer this question with your neighbor. Work in 2’s and 3’s because if you are on the end of a row, you don’t want to leave anyone out.” During the GrowthZone workshop, a participant noted, “Many people don’t like to speak in front of a group.” Small groups can address this problem and help people quickly feel connected.

Members throughout their member journey feel a sense of Outsiderness when they join, when they go to their first, second, maybe third chapter meeting, regional roundtable, or other smaller event. At the annual conference. When they join a committee, task force, or special interest group. When they join a board.

What are the moments when members might feel Outsiderness in your organization? What can you do to help them feel more like Insiders?