I Wish I Knew This Then!
Nearly 15 years ago, I hosted a surprise birthday party for my husband on one of those special birthdays that end in a zero. Knowing what I know now, I wish I had done it completely differently.
Octoberfest was the theme. Sausages cooked on the outdoor wood-fired grill. Guests had an assortment of German mustards, potato salad, and other goodies to choose from. Everyone had their own mug to sample from a variety of German beers.
It was a great party, but I focused on the food, decor, agenda, venue, the surprise, which I was sure I’d blown 100 times—even the weather, which I hoped I could control with fervent wishes. I was so focused on the logistics that there was little time to focus on the people. I had invited people from all parts of my husband’s life. They didn’t know each other, and fortunately, they are all great folks, so they forged connections. But now I wish I had done more.
This weekend, I gathered three friends who did not know each other for dinner and a show. Knowing what I know now, I introduced each person, shared how I knew them, and referenced something interesting that they could use to continue the conversation. Here and there, I’d note similarities like, “you both work at colleges,” etc. The conversation was lively!
So what do I know now that I didn’t know then? Hosts often default to focusing on logistics rather than people.
Focusing on meeting logistics is common at professional gatherings, too. The hosts get all wrapped up with matching badges to people, and they forget warm hellos. We focus our energy on the venue, speaker, and food, and forget to forge connections among attendees. The person leading the meeting doggedly ticks through the agenda without thinking much about how to prime attendees to participate.
So what can you do?
Simplify the Logistics. Skip lunch and meet for coffee. Try a meeting without a speaker and do a roundtable instead. What are the largest administrative burdens? Do you really need them for the meeting to go well? If not, simplify.
Ask for Help! People who have been to one or two meetings can be called upon to check others in. Ask long-timers to be welcomers. Know a few folks who are great in the limelight? Ask them to kick off the meeting. You don’t have to do it all, and asking for help can be a gift to others who will make connections in their temporary role.
Try a Purpose Mantra. I know this sounds a little woo-woo, so stick with me for a few moments 😉 Before the meeting starts, recenter yourself in the reason for the meeting. Is the purpose to connect people? Or educate them? Or help everyone feel supported? Or get many opinions on an emerging issue in your profession or industry? Or keep a project on the rails? Reconnect to that purpose and keep thinking about it as the logistics tug for your attention.
When you make people the focus, not the logistics, you’ll see that your meeting has an added swish of magic! 🪄
